Air Marshall
Can leap tall buildings with a single bound
More powerful than a steam train
Faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water and gives policy to God
Air Commodore
Can leap tall buildings with a start
More powerful than a diesel engine
Just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if sea is calm
Discusses policy with God
Group Captain
Leaps short buildings with a single bound
More powerful than a tank engine
Can occasionally keep up with a speeding bullet
Walks on water in small lakes
Wing Commander
Leaps short buildings with running start
Almost as powerful as a tank engine
Is able to avoid a speeding bullet
Walks on water in indoor swimming pools
Talks to God if special request is granted
Squadron Leader
Can just clear a small hut
Loses tug-of-war with tank engine
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
Flight Lieutenant
Demolishes chimney when leaping small huts
Is run over by a steam train
Can handle a gun
Doggie paddles adequately
Talks to animals
Flying Officer
Runs into buildings
Recognises steam trains two times out of three
Is not issued with guns
Can stay afloat with a Mae-west
Talks to walls
Pilot Officer
Falls over doorsteps
Says “I see no trains”
Wets himself with a water pistol
Stays on dry land
Mumbles to himself
Warrant Officer
Lifts tall buildings and walks under them
Kicks steam trains off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth
Freezes water with a single glance
Because he is God!
Derek Bradley (hoping readers will turn to this for a little levity)