Let me tell you a tale that’s quite true lads, of the time I went on a trip
We had sailed from the island of Cyprus, on a bloody excuse for a ship

As it happened Farouk had shot through lads, and the w--s were showing their hands
So off went the Jocks* and the Coldstream, to help keep the peace in the sands

Ten miles from the coast off Port Said Lads, asking “Just what is that pong?”
Some old sweat said “That’s your new home boy”, and he sure as hell wasn’t wrong

We were sent to the banks of the Suez, the filthiest place to be found
My home was a bloody great tent lads, stuck over a hole in the ground

Now the toilets, a sight to behold lads, with blow flies in a bloody great swarm
Just to sit on a box with a hole in, well, at times we were almost airborne

Now the cooks did their best with the grub lads, after dinner we supped Stella beer
But then in the morning, without any warning, we found we had diarrhea

Now to wake in the dark of the night lads, to the sound of aircraft in flight
And to think yourself daft, cos it wasn’t aircraft but mossies, ready to bite

To barter with the w-- lads, well, it gave us the laugh of our lives
Cos to get you to buy a duff watch lads, they will offer their sisters or wives

Well we did our tour of duty, and home to old Blighty we came
But after living in w--land, nothing seemed quite the same

It is hard to get used to good beer lads, or even a long weekend pass
So, as far as Egypt’s concerned lads, they can stick it right up their ---- Suez Canal

Pat Culley 1st Btn Coldstream Guards

(* refers to the Scots Guards that formed the 32nd Guards Brig. With my Btn the 1st Coldstream Guards)

N.B. This was written many years ago and no offence is meant by any now politically incorrect usage of any words or expression

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