DISCIPLINE
It has been brought to the notice of the war office that men have been dying without the consent of the Superior officers. This practise will cease forthwith, it must be fully understood by all ranks, that the manpower shortage is still acute in MELF and any man who dies without first obtaining a permit commits a serious offence to which the only answer can be Severe Disciplinary Action.
I have been instructed to bring to the notice of all ranks the following MELF Orders – “Death The Control Of” W E F 2nd Nov. 1950. The following drill will be complied by all ranks of the Army, Navy and Air Force. No man will give the order to die below the rank of CPL/BDR etc. and in all cases the man will be known as the victim who is ordered to die, under no circumstances whatever will the man be allowed to die in his own time. The following drill will be strictly adhered to:
On receipt of the command Victim Will Die by numbers.
1. The man will stagger a full pace of 30 inches followed by a short pace of 15 inches, at the same time allowing his eyes to look like glass.
2. He will sink slowly and smartly to his knees, count a correct pause of 1-2-3 then fall forward to his face, arms outstretched and thumbs in line with his ears.
3. He will lower his legs, heels resting on the ground, toes stretched at an angle of 30 degrees magnetic to his shoulder blades.
4. After this the Victim will be allowed to draw his last breath in his own time, but on signature.
5. The last breath consists of Cholorinated Oxygen less Army weights & measures.
6. The death rattle will not be used except on ceremonial occasions or unless ordered by an officer above the rank of Unpaid Field Marshall.
7. Before dying a map with the best route to heaven will be clearly marked out and drawn from the stores. The routes will be strictly adhered to. Unexpired rations will also be drawn and expired with the Victim. There will be no overtaking en route to heaven and any officers passed who are on the way down to the other place will be paid the usual compliments.
8. On arrival at your destination you will report to the orderly room of
the 18th Royal Angel Corps for angellification. The following items will be
drawn from the “Q” stores:
Wings – one pair, Harps (basic) – one, Wings will be balanced
daily with Pickering Stardust No. 3, Harps will be cleaned bright and slightly
tuned at all times, Cloud will be checked for condensation and filled with
antifreeze when required, You will parade 1 hour after arrival for halo fittings.
Dress will be very loose order, wings at the glide and harps at the port.
N.B. Whilst in heaven it must be understood that personnel are still under Military Law. So you will conduct yourself in a smart manner at all times.
Brian Sanderson